Nation’s Quiet, Gangly Kids In Cargo Pants Announce Plans To Be Freakishly Good At Cross Country

AURORA, IL—Confirming they would soon emerge from the nation’s basements, computer labs, and AP History classrooms to dominate 5K courses across the nation, America’s quiet, gangly kids in cargo pants announced Wednesday that they planned to be freakishly good at cross country this fall. “You’ll assume that our gaunt, 118-pound bodies are incapable of athletic […] The post Nation’s Quiet, Gangly Kids In Cargo Pants Announce Plans To Be Freakishly Good At Cross Country appeared first on The Onion.

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