How to make a big ask of a colleague

Self-reliance is a virtue that is drilled into most of us from an early age. After all, most of the work you’re asked to do in school from kindergarten onward through college is done individually. Group work is done sparingly. When a student does ask for help, teachers are reluctant to give answers away. They often answer cagily at best, and so many students will stop asking for assistance. These habits are so deeply ingrained that they are likely to persist well into your work life. As a result, when you get to the point where you do need significant help, you aren’t practiced at requesting what you need. Here are a few tips for engaging your colleagues to help. 1. First, relax One reason you’re reluctant to ask for help with projects: You’re afraid people will say no. Start by asking yourself what you’d say if one of your colleagues asked the same thing of you. Chances are you’d want to be a good colleague and help. So don’t assume that people will say no when you ask for assistance. Indeed, research by Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist and professor at Cornell, and colleagues suggests that people are much more willing to give help to others than we expect. You shouldn’t avoi…